Sexuality is a tricky thing that we as people tend to love to stick a label on.
But this issue with labeling everything is that it can leave some people really unsure where they fit in.
And these questions about where you fit in the spectrum of sexuality are coming up more and more as we push toward a more inclusive society where people are free to love who they want to love.
If you’re unsure about whether or not you are bi, gay, lesbian, pansexual, or any other part of the spectrum, there’s really no clear-cut answer I can give you.
And that’s because it’s all so personal. There’s no sexuality test or exam you can take that will let you know one way or another.
Sexuality isn’t quantifiable, there’s no tangible way to let you know if you are one thing or another.
And it’s also really important to remember that the labels we’ve constructed are exactly that, social constructs to try and understand ourselves a little bit better.
But there are no wrong answers when it comes to sexuality. You simply feel the way that you feel.
Many people, especially hormone-riddled teens, will have sex dreams from time to time.
And these sex dreams can leave you wondering if your mind knows something you do not.
Have you ever had a sex dream about someone you never really fancied and then weren’t able to look at them the same afterward?
But much like dreaming about sleeping with a randomer you’ve never considered attractive before doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re in love, neither does a same-sex steamy dream.
Now, it can be quite confusing to wake up from a slumbering stupor to recall yourself getting hot and heavy with someone of the same sex.
But according to Lauri Loewenburg, a dream analyst, a same-sex dream alone doesn’t mean you need to question your sexuality.
Usually, the only time a same-sex sex dream may be an indicator of your sexual orientation is if you have already been questioning your sexuality.
Otherwise, the presence of a woman in any dream can show that you crave feminine energy such as nurture, sensitivity, and creativity.
While for men in dreams it means more authority, aggression, or assertiveness.
Though, if your dream really sticks with you and does start to make you wonder about your sexuality, you can always explore that in your own time.
Now, as helpful as it may be to be able to let the internet make this decision for you. It’s not the internet’s decision to make.
Sure there are some quizzes you can find online that may ask you questions that could strike a chord with you, but they really aren’t an accurate representation of your sexuality.
And being bisexual or bicurious doesn’t really fit into certain little check boxes.
There aren’t right or wrong answers that can determine where exactly you fit. It’s all about how you feel, and what feels right.
So How Do You Know If You’re Bi?
You really have to soul search and come to the conclusion yourself. It’s not easy by any means to define yourself.
But it’s really all about what makes you the most comfortable.
There are people that may have slept with both men and women but don’t see themselves as bisexual and there are those who may have never been with the same sex but are attracted to them and do see themselves as bisexual.
Neither is wrong. Neither is right.
Because bisexuality is more than just who you are attracted to, it’s also how you feel you identify and how you wish to be identified by others.
Take a look at the following questions:
- Does the idea of labeling yourself as bisexual give you a sense of comfort?
- Does the idea of labeling yourself as bisexual excite you?
- Does the idea of labeling yourself as bisexual make you happy?
- Does the idea of labeling yourself as bisexual give you a sense of support or community?
- Does the idea of labeling yourself as bisexual make you feel good about yourself?
Honestly, if the answer to these questions is yes, then use the label. It’s all about what feels right to you. If the answer is no, then don’t. It’s as easy as that.
Regardless of your experiences, your feelings are valid. You don’t need to have done or said or thought specific things to label yourself as bisexual.
What Is The Actual Definition?
“Someone who is bisexual acknowledges in themselves the potential to be attracted — romantically, emotionally and/or sexually — to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, in the same way, or to the same degree.
The ‘bi’ in bisexual can refer to attraction to genders similar to and different from one’s own.
People who identify as bisexual need not have had equal sexual or romantic experience — or equal levels of attraction — with people across genders, nor any experience at all; attraction and self-identification determines orientation.” – Robyn Ochs
You’ll notice here that it is not stated that bisexuality is just being attracted to men and women, and it doesn’t mean that you share the same level of attraction equally between the two.
But if you find that you do have an attraction to more than one gender you could fit into the term bisexual.
There is a possibility that you are bisexual. There is a possibility you’re not. And it’s only you that gets to determine and decide that for sure.
I can share information that I believe may help you more cohesively question your sexuality, but unfortunately, there’s no way for me to let you know either way.
Because I am not you. But while you explore the possibility of your sexuality, it is important to remember that you are loved, supported, and cared for.
And you don’t have to declare it to the world if you are not ready.
At the end of it all, sexuality is just a spectrum, and straight, gay, bi, queer, they are all just labels to help us humans try and use to better understand ourselves.
But they don’t mean anything. Not really. Just make sure that you are always true to yourself, whatever form or label or sexuality that may be.
If you liked this article, then you might enjoy our post on ‘How To Know If You’re Asexual’.